The sad thing about life is that people hurt you. It is inevitable. Some intentionally try to destroy you and others just break your heart due to their own selfishness. You have to learn who really loves you and cease to be around those that don't have your best interests at heart.
Holding things together after you lose a child is a superhuman task. The desire to sleep for a year is so strong that one must drag out of the bed everyday. I admit that I have been checked out for a few months. I haven't been the best person that I could be, but I felt like under the circumstances I should get some time to think, process and grieve the way I needed to.
Relationships and friendships suffer, your marriage suffers. You feel the need to hit a rewind button and fix the things that you let slip by you. The things that you knew were happening but you wanted to ignore suddenly explode in your face and you can't do anything about them. All you can do is try to repair the damage that was done while you were checked out. It isn't easy.
I am so glad that God has Zoe Jane with Him and she never has to feel any pain. She will never have her heart broken by anyone, she will always be happy and never have to go through anything that we on Earth must endure.
I miss my little girl. I wish that she was here. Just this morning I was thinking of how tiny her little perfect feet were and how I wish that I could kiss her toes. I know that she is happy and I know that I will see her soon. Heaven just seems so far away...
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