Birthday Blues

My birthday is tomorrow and I am not the least bit excited. I have to work and it will just be a normal day... I know that is what happens as you get older. But really I just don't want to get older. I will be 36... closer to 40 every day and I feel like I haven't been able to accomplish half the things that I wanted to.

Birthdays for me have always been fun because mine is the day before Halloween. I have always celebrated in grand style with a fabulous costume and I love this time of year. I AM happy the weather has turned so that it is not 90 degrees in October!

I am really sad that Zoe isn't here with me. I was looking forward to dressing her up for Halloween and just having a baby... an extension of me and her daddy that we could love and cherish. It doesn't seem fair.

I am like everyone else and I have found that I am quite addicted to Pinterest. All of the precious photos of little ones in cute costumes have made me tear up more than Hallmark commercials!

I keep thinking of all the things that I wish I had done differently. There are a million little things that would have probably affected the bigger picture. I just wish there was a manual to life that would at least CLUE you in to the consequences of ones actions.

So tomorrow I will be 36, I will miss my baby girl and I will think about the things I have yet to do. We have a fall festival to attend for my step kids and then get ready for Halloween. I hope that everyone has a fun and safe holiday and receives lots of candy!

I am going to send some balloons up to Heaven and have a piece of cake for my little Zoe Jane. She would have been the perfect little monster....