Unleashing the Monster

Some days are bearable. Others are not. Today is one where I want to get in my car and drive... and drive... and come back when I feel like it. I have this aching, crushing pain in my chest. I can't concentrate. I keep messing up things. I am sick to my stomach and I just want to hide from the world.

I have been brave. I have smiled and worked and done the things that were on my schedule. I have even directed a couple of weddings and designed flowers for several more... masking the grief, shoving the pain back down, hoping that one day I would just wake up and it would be completely gone. The problem with that concept is that it doesn't go away... it just stays down and grows into this monster that finally has to be unleashed.

If you know me personally then you know the issues that we have dealt with for the past month. We own a cafe and floral studio that is quite successful and we lease a building downtown and live in a loft above the space. A few weeks ago we submitted a letter to our landlord to renew our lease (as we were under a contract with a second and third year option), he responded by saying that he just didn't know why we would want to, and gave us a list of impossible stipulations for renewal. We had heard through the grapevine that he had a friend who wanted the space, but we never thought that he would execute a constructive eviction to get us out.

Last week the air didn't work for two days, so we had to close up. Lost money and time for all of us and our employees. When it was finally fixed (the landlords responsibility), he presented us with the bill. He then told us that all of his personal equipment that was in the building would be picked up in a few days even though the lease states that we can use it and we only have 22 days left on the lease.
Monday morning we came in and put all of his things out back to be picked up. He was supposed to be there at 2 p.m. to meet us to get the other things that were affixed to the walls (speakers, movie screen, televisions, etc) He never showed up.

So yesterday morning when we all came to work there was dust, dirt, grime and trash everywhere. Wires hanging from the walls where he had taken things down. He had come in without our knowledge and taken all of his things, but in his wake left a HUGE mess for us to clean up right before lunch service. Not only did he invade our privacy, but he created more work for all of us and did everything he could to make it inconvenient.

I lost it. This is a person who never told us they were sorry for our loss. This is someone who is vindictive and malicious and has TOLD us that he enjoys the fact that people don't like him. I was sick. I started having a major panic attack and it still hasn't gone away. I didn't sleep last night. I keep thinking about everything that has happened to us over the past year. We are good people. We work hard. We do everything that we can to make a good life.

We have secured a new venue for our business and we are living with my sister until we can get a place to stay. So here we are working all day with the kids in tow, then we go home to my sisters and I feel like such a burden on her. She has a husband, a baby and a toddler. I know that God has a plan. He means for us to be in our new location and away from dishonest people. He means for our business to expand.

I just don't know how much more change I can take. I need normal. I need peace. I need a break. Today I am trying to stay at home alone, unless it gets really busy at work and I have to go in. I haven't had time alone in months. I want to relax and breathe.

Please keep us in your prayers. We are excited about our new venture, but there is so much work ahead. One of the best parts of the venue is that it is where we got married. A lovely estate close to downtown rich with history. I can't wait to be a part of it.