I went to Little Rock today to be pushed and prodded to find out what the hell is wrong with my body. The worst thing about this trip was that I had to get up at 4:30 this morning to get ready. So I got up and searched in the dark for all of the things that I strategically placed around the loft in preparation for my groggy state of mind. Clothes, check. Jewelry, check. Handbag, check. Keys are in the handbag... I managed to get out of the house looking fairly decent at 5 in the morning. Thank goodness for a good hair day.
The drive to Little Rock was fine. No tears. I listened to Josh Abbott and Randy Rogers all the way there on Pandora. I sang in the car like I do when alone. I am sure the passersby think that I am crazy. My stepdaughter says that I sing well... but she is only 6. My first mistake was forgetting the directions to the actual PLACE that I was going to. So I make it to the general vicinity of the place where I SHOULD be and then I look it up on my phone. Sidenote: What would we do without our smartphones? I would be lost all the time.
I was only 1.6 miles away from my destination and I am still early. I have plenty of time. This is where I was wrong. UAMS is a cluster of tall buildings with seemingly no signage or signage that is the same color as the building. I don't have my damn paper that tells me what building or directions, so I am screwed. I drive around in circles for an eternity and the clock is just ticking away. All I can remember is the lady telling me to get there thirty minutes early to fill out paperwork. I am fifteen minutes into my early time and still don't know where to go. I finally stop and ask a gentleman who kindly gives me a map that is just as confusing as the tall buildings, but he tells me WHERE to go. Through the maze of construction and traffic I find my destination. I throw my keys to the valet, grab my new summer bag and head inside.
The first thing is paperwork. Then weight, height, blood pressure and a gazillion questions asked by the pleasant nurse with the British accent. She is lovely and reminds me of the Teapot in Beauty in the Beast. Or should I just say Angela Lansbury? She doesn't remind me of her, just her voice. She called me darling and dear and I loved it. Then I am off to a room. To wait. I hate waiting.
I didn't have to wait long. The doctor came in and she was really nice and asked me all the same questions that Teapot asked. We talked about Zoe and the concerns that I have with all of my issues. I have fibromyalgia. I was diagnosed years ago and I have managed it quite well, even during pregnancy. The thing that concerned everyone who saw me during the pregnancy was that I had gout. The whole time I was pregnant. I couldn't really take the medicines that prevent it, so we just had to control the pain so that I could walk. There was also a concern that I have rheumatoid arthritis, so testing is underway for that and a myriad of other diseases that I can't even pronounce.
I was sent to hand therapy for a brace for the tendons that connect my thumb to my wrist... I have to wear it all the time. Something that I didn't even go in for but was treated for. Yay. A fashionable black wrist brace. Love it. While there I had to listen to stories of horrible accidents from people sitting in the waiting area for therapy. Thank goodness mine is just a tendon and a whole truck didn't fall on my hand like one guy in there.
Then on to Radiology for X-rays. The Caution: Radiation in Use signs freak me out. The waiting room there was a little more exciting. Darth Vader sat next to me and I was afraid that every breath would be the last for this person who was seemingly unknowing to the fact that they breathe very loud for no apparent reason every fourth breath. Then the ladies behind me were talking about how they found out about their cancer with one another. Thanks. I love hearing cancer stories when I am about to walk into a radiation filled wing of the hospital. And let's not forget the husbands of the above mentioned ladies talking about where to eat in these here parts... they were ready to eat.
Thirteen X-rays. The inevitable question as to whether I think that I may be pregnant before we proceed. Umm... no. I am not pregnant. I should be, but I am not...just here to see you and Darth Vader and the Debbie Downers in the waiting room. On the up side, the radiologist was really nice.
So last stop. Lab. Oh My Lord I hate needles. I hate having my blood drawn. I have the tiniest veins and they are deep and they roll. (Thanks Mom) This woman plopped me in the chair, pulled out a butterfly and got me on the first stick. AMAZING! I need to carry her around in my back pocket for future blood draws. It was over in about 8 vials and 5 minutes.
I am free. Now to get downstairs while avoiding characters from movies. I made it to valet and to my car and off I went in search of food. I couldn't find not one place to eat that sounded good so I made my way to the worst part of this trip.
Babies R Us
Bryan and I had bought so many things for Zoe from there and they were all still sitting in bags upstairs. I didn't want to give them away. They were bought for MY baby. And who wants a dead babies things? New or not I didn't feel right gifting them to people. So I got a cart, filled it up and walked inside. Immediately I was greeted by a really nice woman at the service desk. I pulled up with my cart o stuff and told her that I needed to bring these things back. Nothing wrong with them, still in the bags, but I didn't have the receipt. I have it somewhere but I couldn't find it. BUT I do have my rewards card and everything was bought under that card. She looked at me with that look that people give you when you don't have a receipt. So I blurted it out. "Look, my baby was born dead three weeks ago and you HAVE to take this stuff back. I can't bear to look at it. It's all on the card. Just look it up." She just looked at me. She didn't know what to say. But she looked it all up and it was there and she did it for me. Thank you LORD.
I cried walking out the door of Babies R Us. I am sure that doesn't happen much. A grown woman who is not pregnant crying as she walks out of what should be the happiest place in the world. I cried in the car. I got mad. Why couldn't I have her?
I feel guilty because I missed going to the cemetery on Monday. It was three weeks since her funeral and the day that the doctors were going to take her in Little Rock and I was too tired to go anywhere because I worked all day. I was pissed all day. I was full of hurt and could not deal.
So today was a day of being lost, visiting with Teapot, meeting Darth Vader and crying at the baby store. I am tired and oh yeah, waiting for two more weeks on test results. I do have a date tonight with my husband and his kids are spending the night elsewhere so we get the TV all to ourselves.
No comments:
Post a Comment