Friends

Friends come to you from different places. From different points in your life. Some of them keep in touch and others come out of hiding when you need them most. Some of the people who are just acquaintances turn into great friends during times of loss and you wonder just how long they have been hanging back waiting to present themselves to you as a friend.

I felt really alone last week. The things that were happening in our life seemed like a bad dream. I still didn't really get it until I was released from the hospital and only had one day to prepare for Zoe's funeral. Bryan and I were literally lost. Driving around the neighborhood just wondering what to do next. This was the time when we needed people. You don't realize that you need people. You want to be alone. You want to sleep. Loud noises bother you. Chatter bothers you. People just being there kind of get on your nerves. WHY are they all up in your business??? You are not hungry or thirsty. You don't need another hug because their perfume will linger and make you sick to your stomach.

Yesterday was one week since we lost our baby girl and I didn't think that I would be able to get through the day without throwing something across the room. It really hit Bryan hard yesterday too. He hurts as much as I do. He thinks about her as much as I do. He plays her song on his phone as much as I do... but we hide that from one another to protect each other.

Early yesterday one of those people who just do something precious and unexpected came in the door to see me. She gave me a lily from her garden in a beautiful planter. She loves lilies. Her husband orders flowers for her from my studio and always reminds me that she loves lilies. They make her happy. She brought a piece of her happiness to me and I love it. I only pray that I can make it live the way that she does. I want to take that lily and transplant it and make it grow into a wonderful symbol of love and friendship. She cried as she handed it to me. She sat at the bar and LISTENED to me. Just that simple act of kindness formed a strong bond that we will forever share and I am so grateful to call her my friend.

I received an e-mail from another dear friend yesterday and although I don't have his permission to share it, I am positive that he won't mind. It touched my heart and made me realize that there are people who DO think about you. They DO wonder why things didn't go another way and they genuinely care that your heart is breaking.

"Hey Jen.  I called earlier but know it must be extremely difficult to talk.  I really am still in shock about your loss. I keep thinking of the movie Heaven Can Wait with Warren Beaty, in which his guardian angel pulled him away too soon thinking he was about to die, but it was a mistake, he was supposed to live.  It just seems like there was a mixup in the universe like that.  When I saw the picture posted of Zoe Jane’s feet, I think I looked at every single line in those feet trying to read what might have happened, like someone would read a palm.  And really trying to figure it out with the notion something could be fixed somehow.  But I know some of the fixing just takes time.  I absolutely believe in spirit and body being too very separate things.  It is certain that a new beautiful and lively spirit did enter the universe last week.    And its one you will surely be reconnected with at some point.  In the meantime, don’t lose all of your spirit!  And yes, easy for someone to say that isn’t going through what you are going through, but it’s just me trying to interpret a strong caring for you and what is going on."


***So to the exceptional people that touched me yesterday...you are forever stamped onto my heart and I know that Zoe Jane loves you to...how could she not?