Random, Mean, Stupid and Funny

Are you pissed because you can't find anything to wear? You still look pregnant but you aren't and your old clothes don't fit... you are still swollen and your feet still hurt and you aren't supposed to be doing much for a while...

Are you tired of people saying that you have an angel watching you from Heaven?

Does your husband kiss you more? Hold your hand? Get right up next to you in bed at night?

Do you feel guilty that you went to a restaurant to eat after you got out of the hospital because there was no food at your house and you couldn't cook it if there were?

Are you mad at the "best friends" who didn't come to your baby's funeral, didn't call, didn't send a message?

Are you amazed at the people who barely know you... the people who are now extraordinary in your eyes because they did so much to ease your pain?

Do you find that people just don't know what to say so they say nothing at all?

Do you notice that they sky is blue? That there are butterflies EVERYWHERE

Does the wind on your face feel good instead of hot as your husband is driving you aimlessly around with the windows down because the two of you don't know what to do next?

Did you consider moving to another state, starting a new job, getting away from it all? Only to realize that you would be miles and miles away from where you laid your child to rest?

Did someone get their feelings hurt because they weren't listed in the obituary? Did you care? Or did you just want to scream at them and say "I buried my baby today!!!"

Do the phantom kicks bring you comfort and then rip you to shreds when you realize they are not real?

Are you singing the music that was at the service over and over in your head?

Are you regretful for not holding her just a little longer?

I wish that I had kissed her fingers and toes.

I love my sister more than ever after this week. She became the strong one who handled everything for me.

 Are you reading everything that you can get your hands on about Heaven?

Did you throw away your prenatal vitamins?

Do you give away the things that you bought for her?

Are you afraid that you are going to become one of those crazy ladies that rocks a baby doll and mutters?

Are you able to laugh at all? Smile and mean it?

Are you EXHAUSTED?

I wish that my friends who are pregnant would understand that coming around me is not going to cause them to lose their baby... and the ones who have come to see me and offer support...well, you are just some of the most courageous and strong women that I know.

I was a little mean at times while I was pregnant... and blamed it on the hormones.. do I get a free hall pass for just a little while longer?

Do you celebrate your due date even though you lost your baby months before?