Saturday Thoughts....

“You look smaller than the last time I saw you. Did you lose weight?”

“I was pregnant the last time you saw me.”

“You were pregnant?! When did you have it?”

“Last Friday. She died.”

Awkward silence. Averted eyes. All of a sudden there are a million excuses to leave my presence. It’s really ok. There is nothing that you can say or do that I haven’t already heard. I am getting through this at my own pace.

Today I stayed in bed a little longer. I vaguely remember crying in the middle of the night and Bryan holding me. Then I fell back into the abyss of no thought and deep sleep. We both slept late. It wasn’t really sleeping… just a lazy Saturday morning full of tears. I miss her little lips. That’s all I keep thinking about. She had those sweet little lips that pooch out while sleeping. I wish that I could kiss them. I wonder if God tells her that we love her. I hope so.

I found something to wear today. I even shaved my legs. My stepdaughter said that I looked pretty. I think that I may get a pedicure so that when we are at the pool tomorrow my toes look cute. Bryan wants to eat at the taco place but we are eating Mexican food tomorrow…plus I know that the people that own the place will look at me with sympathy and I may cry. I love them so much. They are so nice.

Maybe a cheeseburger and fries? I think that is what we will do. Then I want to buy planters for the plants that people sent to Zoe Jane. I need to keep them alive, make them grow so that she is remembered.